Question: My husband’s baby mama asked us to go to Disney World for their child’s birthday. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but we had already planned our own vacation and were in the process of looking for a house so I didn’t have to argue much to decline. However, the issue has come up again as the mother is planning another trip for next year and has again invited us along. I am still not comfortable with the idea. The mother and I have no problems, but I just think it’s weird. My husband has his daughter almost everyday after school and most weekends that he doesn’t work. I have no children of my own, nor do I want them. My stepdaughter is very spoiled and in a bratty stage and I actually resent a lot of the time she is around. I know I would not enjoy this “vacation.” I know I can be selfish, but am I that wrong for feeling this way? And should I prevent my husband from going without me? I know that they no longer have romantic feelings for each other, but still that would be weird/uncomfortable for me too. I have contemplated going on the trip, but not participating in the”family activities.” But I am also worried about setting a precedent that traveling together will be an ongoing and accepted idea. Please help.
You should not feel like you are doing something wrong here because a “family”vacation with an ex is an akward situation and you should not be expected to attend or even allow it to occur. I would start by finding out where your husband stands on the issue. If he thinks that it is okay or even thinks it is a good idea, that would raise an eyebrow. One of the realities of people with kids breaking up is that the kids will not get the chance to have the stereotypical family activities with their mother and father at the same time. The kid can still have the experience of Disney World or any other vacation, but to expect that two new families will attend these vacations together is a bit much.
This situation also leaves you in a position where you do not get to plan your own vacation, but are limited to attending the vacation that has already been planned for you without your input. Let your husband know that you are not okay with that and that you and him can take the kids somewhere separately if you choose, but that you are not going to be put in a situation every year where you either attend a vacation you do not want to or look like the bad person because you refuse. Your husband can help with this.
Lastly, in no way should it be acceptable for your husband to go on this vacation without you. I know you believe that they do not have any feelings for each other, but don’t be surprised what people will do when given the opportunity. This could open the door to a lot of things and as you state will set a precedent that is not good. You are correct to not want to attend these vacations, but don’t think that you are doing the right thing by letting him go. Do what is right for yourself and your family and that includes the step-children, but does not include the baby mama’s.
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