Question: My husband’s baby mama asked us to go to Disney World for their child’s birthday. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but we had already planned our own vacation and were in the process of looking for a house so I didn’t have to argue much to decline. However, the issue has come up again as the mother is planning another trip for next year and has again invited us along. I am still not comfortable with the idea. The mother and I have no problems, but I just think it’s weird. My husband has his daughter almost everyday after school and most weekends that he doesn’t work. I have no children of my own, nor do I want them. My stepdaughter is very spoiled and in a bratty stage and I actually resent a lot of the time she is around. I know I would not enjoy this “vacation.” I know I can be selfish, but am I that wrong for feeling this way? And should I prevent my husband from going without me? I know that they no longer have romantic feelings for each other, but still that would be weird/uncomfortable for me too. I have contemplated going on the trip, but not participating in the”family activities.” But I am also worried about setting a precedent that traveling together will be an ongoing and accepted idea. Please help.

You should not feel like you are doing something wrong here because a “family”vacation with an ex is an akward situation and you should not be expected to attend or even allow it to occur. I would start by finding out where your husband stands on the issue. If he thinks that it is okay or even thinks it is a good idea, that would raise an eyebrow. One of the realities of people with kids breaking up is that the kids will not get the chance to have the stereotypical family activities with their mother and father at the same time. The kid can still have the experience of Disney World or any other vacation, but to expect that two new families will attend these vacations together is a bit much.

This situation also leaves you in a position where you do not get to plan your own vacation, but are limited to attending the vacation that has already been planned for you without your input. Let your husband know that you are not okay with that and that you and him can take the kids somewhere separately if you choose, but that you are not going to be put in a situation every year where you either attend a vacation you do not want to or look like the bad person because you refuse. Your husband can help with this.

Lastly, in no way should it be acceptable for your husband to go on this vacation without you. I know you believe that they do not have any feelings for each other, but don’t be surprised what people will do when given the opportunity. This could open the door to a lot of things and as you state will set a precedent that is not good. You are correct to not want to attend these vacations, but don’t think that you are doing the right thing by letting him go. Do  what is right for yourself and your family and that includes the step-children, but does not include the baby mama’s.

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Question: I just started datig someone I like very well and I broke the news to him last night that I had herpes. He looked shocked at first and just kept repeating,  “I’m good, I’m good,” but not very convincingly. Do you think he can get past this and possible have a relationship with me?

Answer: To be honest, I seriously doubt it. Although he may like you as well, the thought that will remain in his head is “when” not “if” because it is very strong likelihood that he could contract the disease from you as the relationship intensifies. That is really asking a lot and very mature thing for you to do to inform him early enough in the relationship so that he can make his own decision about the situation.

If the roles were reversed, do you think this is something that you would be able to get past?

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Question #9: My Husband Is Abusive, But The Kids Want Me To Stay

October 20, 2009

Question: My husband is physically and emotionally abusive to me. We have kids and they do not want me to leave him. He does the abuse in front of them sometimes. Is leaving him wrong or right. Iwant what is best for my children, but i do not like the abuse.
Answer: Without a doubt, leaving [...]

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Question #8: How Do I Solve My Trust Issues?

September 21, 2009

Question: I know I have trust issues and I am worried about carrying them into a new relationship. What is the best way to get over this issue and what can I do to get past them? Help!
Answer: Since you realize what you are doing, you should have some control on not doing it. It [...]

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Question #7: Why Is My Ex-Boyfriend Sleeping With Everyone?

September 21, 2009

Question: My ex-boyfriend and i broke up a little over a year ago. We still remain friends, but lately he is sleeping with ever girl that crosses his path. Why is he doing this?
Answer: Mainly because he can and it is none of your business. Although you remain friends, you two broke up so he [...]

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Question #6: I Found Out My Girlfriends Password, Should I Use It?

September 21, 2009

Question: I recently found out the password to my girlfriends e-mail, so I logged in and found some emails she had written to boyfriends in the past. We’ve been together for just over a year, and all of these emails were from before we got together. Am I crazy to be upset?
Answer: The short answer [...]

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Question #5: My On Again Off Again Boyfriend Got Someone Else Pregnant

September 14, 2009

Question: Me and my boyfriend have been on again off again for 4 years. About a year ago we split for a while, but we have been back together for 7 months. We recently found out that he got another girl pregnant while we were separated and she is keeping it. I feel totally heart [...]

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Question #4: My Boytfriend’s Ex Won’t Go Away

September 14, 2009

Question: My boyfriend’s ex won’t go away. In our ten months together, his ex has called and/or texted him daily. I’ve expressed to both of them that it’s a bit much, yet it still continues. His ex has even bad-mouthed me. What do I do?
Answer:  His ex only calls and sends texts everyday because he [...]

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Question #3:My Partner Is Always Checking Other People Out

September 13, 2009

If you are out in public with your partner and you always catch them looking at an attractive member of the opposite sex would it bother you?
Answer: It depends. There is a fine line between taking a quick look at someone of the opposite sex, which is natural, and blatantly staring at someone with little [...]

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Question #2: My Ex-Wife Is Now My Sister In Law

August 12, 2009

Question: If your brother had sex with your wife which caused you and your wife to get divorced over it, and then your brother started a relationship with your wife, and they claim to love each other, do you think you could still go to thanksgiving at your parents house with the family?
Answer: That is [...]

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