You should not feel like you are doing something wrong here because a “family”vacation with an ex is an akward situation and you should not be expected to attend or even allow it to occur. I would start by finding out where your husband stands on the issue. If he thinks that it is okay or even thinks it is a good idea, that would raise an eyebrow. One of the realities of people with kids breaking up is that the kids will not get the chance to have the stereotypical family activities with their mother and father at the same time. The kid can still have the experience of Disney World or any other vacation, but to expect that two new families will attend these vacations together is a bit much.

This situation also leaves you in a position where you do not get to plan your own vacation, but are limited to attending the vacation that has already been planned for you without your input. Let your husband know that you are not okay with that and that you and him can take the kids somewhere separately if you choose, but that you are not going to be put in a situation every year where you either attend a vacation you do not want to or look like the bad person because you refuse. Your husband can help with this.

Lastly, in no way should it be acceptable for your husband to go on this vacation without you. I know you believe that they do not have any feelings for each other, but don’t be surprised what people will do when given the opportunity. This could open the door to a lot of things and as you state will set a precedent that is not good. You are correct to not want to attend these vacations, but don’t think that you are doing the right thing by letting him go. Do  what is right for yourself and your family and that includes the step-children, but does not include the baby mama’s.

Answer: To be honest, I seriously doubt it. Although he may like you as well, the thought that will remain in his head is “when” not “if” because it is very strong likelihood that he could contract the disease from you as the relationship intensifies. That is really asking a lot and very mature thing for you to do to inform him early enough in the relationship so that he can make his own decision about the situation.

If the roles were reversed, do you think this is something that you would be able to get past?

Answer: Without a doubt, leaving him is the right thing to do. Your kids may not want you to leave, but they may not understand clearly what is taking place or even worse, they have become so accustomed to the situation that they see it as normal. It is your responsibility to do what you know is right for yourself and for your children and to help them understand why you made the decision you did. The kids may not want you to leave, but they don’t always know what is best.

This is also a decision that should not be discussed with your children where they can give their input. Your decision is based on the experience you are having in this relationship and your goal of being in a safer, more healthy relationship. In time, your kids would understand. The longer that you stay will allow the situation to continue to deteriorate. Get out…now!!

Answer: Since you realize what you are doing, you should have some control on not doing it. It is not enough to just say that you have these issues and that you are not sure how to deal with them and repeat the same actions that you have in the past. It is kind of like the old joke when you tell the doctor that it hurts when you bend your arm and he says “then don’t bend your arm.” If you know you are doing it, don’t do it.

Many times just trying not to do it is not enough and therapy is needed. Unfortunately, therapy is something that is looked down upon in the United States, but is something that many more people need than will admit to. If you feel like this is you then do not hesitate in seeking the medical attention that you need in order to deal with our issues and move on with life. Both individual and group therapy have been proven to have amazing results for therapy patients. This is a avenue that you should consider if your trust issues are not something that you are able to deal with alone.

Answer: Mainly because he can and it is none of your business. Although you remain friends, you two broke up so he is free to do what he wants. Is that the best decision for him to sleep with every girl that crosses his path? That’s really for him to decide. I am making an assumption that you had  some outside hope of the two of you getting back together and this is making you less interested. That is one of the risks that happens when you break up and remain friends.

Answer: The short answer is YES, you are crazy to be upset. As you stated, all of the e-mails were before you were born so you have nothing to be upset about. You are crazy if you believe that your girlfriend did not have a life before you. You don’t need to know all of the details of her past relationships, but it is not something that should upset you as you had relationships prior to your girlfriend as well. You probably should just get rid of the password as it will probably end up causing more problems that good as you continue to check her e-mail for something that is not there. Let it go!

Answer: The easy answer is that the two of you were not together, so you can not be too upset about the things that happened at that time, but I know that is not realistic. First, you have to figure out why the two of you have been on-again, off-again and deal with that. There is something about your relationship with your boyfriend that you are able to walk away from as well as something that also brings you back. Hopefully it is more than just convenience.

Secondly, it is a tough pill to swallow, but if you are going to move forward with your boyfriend, you have to move forward fully. Assuming that your boyfriend will play an important role in his child’s life, then if you decide to stay then you need to be supportive. If he is not going to take an active role in the child’s life, then that starts to speak volumes about what you could possibly expect in the same situation.

So you really have to decide if you are going all-in or folding your cards and you should not feel bad with either decision that you make since your boyfriend made the decision to get a girl pregnant while you were not together, there are still consequences for those decisions.

Answer:  His ex only calls and sends texts everyday because he responds and/or initiates the conversations. She is only still around because he lets her and he wants her to be. Your problem is not with the ex, but with your boyfriends. For him to keep up that level of interaction with an ex is not acceptable. You may want to do some analysis of how they ended their relationship and that will give you some insight to why they still talk so much. My bet is that he broke it off with her, but did it in a way that left the door open for some future interaction and giving her false hope that they will one day get back together. That way he can keep her around in case it ever goes bad with you. My suggestion is that you make a decision if you want to deal with this or not. Don’t give him an ultimatum of not talking to her or else because that will simple turn the conversation towards you and your insecurities. Let him know that you need to move on because that is not the type of relationship you want to be involved in and see what his reaction is. At this point he will make the choice to cut it off with his ex or he will be okay with you moving on. Either way it will give you the understanding that you need from the relationship.

Answer: It depends. There is a fine line between taking a quick look at someone of the opposite sex, which is natural, and blatantly staring at someone with little regard for how you feel, which is obvious disrespect. Everyone has an occasional wandering eye which is more often for some, but it is very easy to tell when the line has been crossed. So it would not bother me if my partner occasionally looked at someone of the opposite sex, but if I felt like there was little regard for me being there, then that is a problem that we would have to deal with.

Also, don’t make the mistake of trying to outdo your partner by checking out more people. This simply will not work and will cause more problems and will not solve any, but is often a mistake that is made.

Answer: That is tough. I would let my parents know that I am still upset about the situation, so I could not guarantee that it is going to be an enjoyable Thanksgiving for anyone if they show up. Seriously, I would either sit this one out or insist that they not attend. It is a joke to think that everyone sits there like it is a big happy family after your brother and ex-wife stabbed you in the back.

The best way to get them back will be to move on and find someone better. That is a situation that will undoubtedly go bad. It started on something bad so it has no chance. You just need to be there to smile in their face when it happens and be happily in a new relationship so that you do not look back. Karma will catch up with the both of them. As for Thanksgiving, might I recommend some sliced turkey from the deli section of your local grocer? Not worth sitting through that meal.